Yvonnisms for the Month

I have been running low on my Yvonnisms lately, and I was gently reminded by the Queen herself.  That reminded me that I had one in my memory a while back that was pretty good…Now I can’t quite remember the entire context.  We were talking about a movie or book…or something.

Me:  Yeah.  It was so sad, listening to him talk about the Jewish internment camps.  I would like to see Auschuwitz one day.  It must be so humbling.
Yvonne: Gasp*  You can still see it?!
Me: Yeah.  I think you can tour it.
Yvonne: Omgosh!  What are we going to do about it?!
Me:  Do about it?  Wait a minute…wait a minute.  Yvonne do you still think they exist?  With people in them?
Yvonne:  silence*
Me:  World War II.  We won.  If they did exist, what were you planning to do anyways?  Invade, the 2 of us and take people out.
Yvonne:  Uhh yeah.  Duh.

Hahahaha.  That one makes me smile every time.  Yvonne, I would go to the trenches with you any time…just give me your gun. J/K.

I also talked to the lady yesterday, of which, she said don’t write about this particular topic on your blog!  But it was so funny because…

Me:  I have to post what you just said.
Yvonne: You can’t!  People will know what we’re talking about!
Me:  Uhhh I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
Yvonne:  Look I always know what I’m talking about.  And so will everyone else.

I love you Yvonne!  You always make my day!

Wedding Yvonnisms

Oh shiet...

The wedding hasn’t even begun yet, but the Yvonnisms keep rolling in.  A little back story here, if you have ever been to an Asian wedding, they always do the same games (you should read the Sniff your Mate game…gross).  They always have the blindfold the bride and have her figure out which of the male buttocks is her husbands.  Or…the egg game.  The dreaded egg game, where they give you a supposedly raw egg (most of the time it’s really raw), and you have to pass it through one guys leg pant to the other side without breaking it.  Note to anyone reading this: NO EGGS!!  But of course, I assumed Yvonne knew about this game…

There are so cute!

Me: We do have some cute games planned.  But NO eggs on the property!
Y:  I will bring eggs.
Me: No, I hate that game.
Y:  What?  Why?  Afterwards, we can eat them.
Me:  What?!  You shouldn’t eat them Yvonne.
Y:  I mean we’ll boil them.
Me:  I know you will boil them.  But they go through RMK’s pants.  Are we talking about the same game?
Y: Shiet.   That’s sick.  I ain’t eating that.   You can eat it.
Me:  Uhhh…no thanks.
Y:  Man, that means if it was raw, it would break all over his pants.

Sigh.

How the Asian’s Do NYC

How Many Asian Girls and Electronic Devices Does It Take to Figure Where We Are Going

The craziness started before we even landed in NYC.  Yvonnisms were on full force.

Thaoie: Does our bike tour have insurance?!! [Haha, we drive just like we ride]

Y:Guys, get ready!  I am getting turned on when we get to the airport.
Us: Silence*
Malinh: Haha.  When she sees the plane, she gets turned on.
Y: Yeah, turned on!  Wait…you KNOW what I mean!  Like turned off and then turned on.

This is how she is in the morning.

Malinh: Ladies!  We can cross the street now…the white people are going so it’s safe.

Me: How do you eat this? [trying to bite into the soup dumplings]
Chowchow: First you bite gently and then you suck.
Me: Hahaha, so now I know why it’s better than sex.

Chowchow: What the hell is “the cab” ?!!  [a lady with an accent showing us subway directions]
Anail: Ma’m, where is “the cab” on the map.  We don’t understand.  [We stand for 20 minutes looking at the map.  Then nice lady drags us into the subway and show us where to get off]
See the picture below for “the cab.”

"The Cab" is well...deKalb. Ha!

Chowchow: You ARE a cartoon.  Cartoon looking.

Me: Man, some cartoons are hot.  Like the guy in Mulan.
Chowchow: Dude, you want to see hot.  Let me show you these anime guys.

Lauvs:[Hitting the clubs and deciding who is going to take care of whom] Just telling you, I am 125 lbs before dead weight.
Me: Uhh, so you gain weight when you pass out?!

It's mine!

Yvonnism for the Holidays

Living the Thug Life

Yvonne:  Hey where are you?
Me: Atlanta, GA.
Yvonne: OMG, you have to go gambling!
Me:  What?  where?
Yvonne:  Are you kidding?  It’s one of the most popular places to go gambling.
Me:  Have you gone?  Yvonne, I am in Georgia.
Yvonne:  No.  But I’ve heard.  Go win some wedding money!

5 minutes later

Yvonne:  ooopps.  I was thinking of Atlantic City.
Me:  You do know I am writing this down.
Yvonne:  I hate you.

Over the River and Into the Woods

We drove into the middle of nowhere Arkansas on the banks of the Buffalo River, and stayed with the bestest of friends in a cush cabin without cellphone reception, internet, and television for the most part.  Our daily visit was the Wal-mart some 40 minutes away where the population is all white, as in they stared at the largest group of Asians probably ever to enter their city.  One Amish girl pointed to me and told her mom, “Look, there’s an Asian girl.”  How cute.

Anyways, we fished, swam, boated, built ginormous fires, and listened to Yvonnism’s for the week.  The weather was perfect, the deer came out to play…a wonderful, peaceful break.  We ate large meals almost every few hours, and just spent most of our other time hunting for more food.  Yvonne made her now famous scallop potatoes, which now redefines chewiness.  Rick invented a new s’more with peanut butter cups.  And Taco begged for food, got more obese, and missed a horse and carriage by an inch of his life.

Mike's Adventurous Escapades

So awesome!

Absolutely Awesome View

Men Make Fire.

It's like carry a beer case.

:)

Yvonnisms 2.0

Enough Said

We finally will have some vacation time, and I am so excited to spend a week with the Htown crew.  A lake house, BBQ, fresh fish, canoeing, kayaking, beer, late night poker games, and just chillaxing…it’s going to be AWESOME.

And I called Yvonne to clear up the details:

Me: Hey!  Can you ask Hoe if he can swing by and get us in Dallas?
Yvonne: WHAT!
Me: Uhh, because we would be driving in the opposite direction to get to Htown.
Yvonne: No!  Are you crazy?
Me: Why am I crazy?  You will be driving by anyways on your way up.
Yvonne: What?!  We are no where close to you.  That’s like double our trip.
Me: What! Double? ….Wait a minute.  Yvonne, where is Arkansas?
Yvonne: Uhhh, what?  Where IS Arkansas?
Me: Why are you telling me it’s double the trip?
Yvonne: [slowing down her speech] Because…it’s west, no east…well it’s nowhere near Dallas.
Me: North Yvonne.  Arkansas is Northeast.  Above Dallas.  Above Louisiana.
Yvonne: No.  I don’t know!  Don’t ask me, ask Hoe!

Yes, I know who I was talking to when I asked the question.  Well at least I know who won’t be driving!

Yvonnism’s for the Week

I must say, when I put Yvonnisms anywhere in the title, my readership jumps into the 600′s.  Either Yvonne has many friends or Yvonnisms is a popular search title .  But I thank you for all the support and people who do read!  I love reading the comments and mail I get.  I don’t have 600 friends, so whoever you guys are, thanks for hitting up my blog!  It started out as an innocent hobby, and now I actually get requests for posts!  I makes me feel loved  And to ISP 108.62.xxxx, I don’t know who you are, but I hope you’re not a stalker.

So this weekend, the girls and I had a glorious time doing some major shopping.  They have been so supportive with Yvonne putting aside her World Cup fanaticism and Thaoie her time just to find “it.”

So we’re on the topic of non-conflict diamonds again and we’re discussing the size of a diamond.

Thaoie: I don’t know.  I think it’s not the size but the cost to the guy.  If a guy buys quality, it’s more valuable.
Yvonne (in the back seat): No size matters.
Thaoie: Unless he gets the largest he can find, minus the quality.  Then he is trying to show off, making up for other things.  Like his own size. *laughing
Me: Well actually, I don’t think size matters.  It’s what you do with it. *laughing
Yvonne: *very seriously No D.  Size matters.  Bigger is better.
Silence
Thaoie: Yvonne, do you know what we’re talking about?
Yvonne: Huh?  What ARE we talking about?

Hoe’s Contribution for the Week:

Yvonne: [describing her night of fun dancing at the club] “I went down on Di and Jeff at the same time!”
Hoe: I don’t think…
Di: Maybe you shouldn’t say…
Yvonne: But I did!  I went down on Di and Jeff at the same time!
Silence*  People are turning and staring.
Yvonne: What?!

We still love you Yvonne.  And so do 600 other people.  :)  So much that you are now your own post category.

Yvonnism’s of the Week-2

What?! I didn't know!

Further discussion on the GPS fiasco bought up today’s Yvonnism.

Yvonne: You know the reason I took so long was not all because I wasn’t paying attention.  The stupid thing doesn’t suck well.
Me: Suck well?
Yvonne: You know…the suction cup that sticks on the glass.  I barely made to on CS, and it was falling down.  I kept putting it back on the glass, and it kept falling all over the car.  I had to hold it in my hand and keep my eyes on the road. Do you KNOW how difficult that is?
Me: Why didn’t you just pull over and fix it?
Yvonne:  Are you crazy?  Pull over in the dark and die?!
Me:  Well I am not asking you to get out!
Yvonne: Anyways, I didn’t fix it until I got to a stoplight in Small Town, TX.  I found the problem.  *Silence
Me:  And…
Yvonne:  You must NOT write about this.
Me: Yup.
Yvonne:  Mike said I could use it straight out of the box.  He plugged in the wire, and I just used it. *Silence
Me:  And…
Yvonne:  Well the clear plastic was still on it.  No wonder it wouldn’t stick.  You have to peel the wrapper off the suction for it to suck.  Did you know that?
Me:  *Silence.

But I still love her.  Yvonne, you bring much joy in everyone’s life.  Clear plastic and all.

Yvonnism’s of the Week

I was quite lonely this week with RMK leaving for Bolivia, so one of my best friends came down to Small Town, TX to visit me.  What would have been a 2.5 hour drive became a 3.5 hour drive with several phone calls.  She just got a GPS for her birthday from all of us due to her lack of direction, which you would think would help.  But she doesn’t really know how to read it yet….nor listen.

Yvonne: Am I suppose to be in Caldwell?
Me: Uhh Caldwell?  Just take 290 to CS and then use 6 North to Hearne.
Yvonne: Well I am in Caldwell.  Where is that?
Me: How in the world…I don’t know!  Use your map.
Yvonne:  Well…umm I was listening to the radio on loud…and I must have missed several turns.  It is telling me to turn on some dark road, and I think I am going to ignore it.

1.5 hours later

Yvonne: I am on some forsaken road that is dark and only has 2 lanes.  What if I die here!!  This will be the only time I visit!!
Me:  Where do you think Small Town, TX is!  It’s a small town in Central Texas!  We don’t have highways from Houston to here!

1 hour later

Yvonne: My GPS is telling me to go in circles.  I don’t know where to turn!
Me: Listening to the GPS.  It says to turn right now…TURN!
Yvonne: Crap…I missed the turn.

Needless to say…she finally arrived complaining of leg cramps.

But I sure do miss Yvonne