“My crotch was rancid.”

RMK just came back from Bolivia, and I was so excited to see him!  You don’t realize how you take your best friend for granted until you don’t talk to them every day.  Anyways, (back to the explaining the title)… Bolivia and every other South American country is infested with bed bugs!

Nasty little buggers

Yes, those lovely little things make the famous 3 bites for “breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”  They crawl in your bed, and suck the living blood out of you.  I looked up on-line and they are IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of.  They are immune to half the pesticides that we throw at them, and once these bed bugs infest your house, it’s over.  You have to perform like a month long cleaning session with hundreds of dollars to get rid of them.

So the best solution, DON’T let them in the first place!  You can put your bags and all your gear into your trunk, and leave it there for 3-4 days.  The Texas heat will bake them and their nasty eggs alive.  Lovely.

So, RMK took my NEW Gregory Diva to Bolivia, and upon arrival, I made him leave everything in the car for 4 days.

Day 3:

RMK: Babe, when are you going to take my things out of the trunk?

Me: Uhh Day 5.

RMK: It says Day 4 in the Pest Book.

Me: I just want to be safe.  Any super bed bugs leftover haven’t met me.

RMK:  Well my clothes are going to stink up your trunk.

Me:  I am used to your nasty socks.  Maybe the heat will disinfect them.

RMK: But my underwear…

Me: *now suspicious that he would want me to clean anything*  What about your underwear?

RMK:  Well, I didn’t change them for 6 days.

Me: *cough/barf.  EXCUSE me?  I packed you like 7 pairs!

RMK: I know.  But there was no shower…and we had such long days.

Me: What about everyone else?  Did they change?!

RMK:  Well, yes.  And I was lazy.

Me: Well you smelled okay when you came back!?

RMK:  I had to shower on day 7.

Me: Don’t tell me why…I don’t want to…

RMK:  My crotch was rancid!  I could smell it myself.  There was this slime-like goo that starts to…

Me: OMG.  OMG. My trunk!  My Bag!

RMK:  *smiles* Your welcome.  See, I remember to remind you of things…

Let’s just say.  Day 4, the trunk was opened.  And everything didn’t smell SO bad, just like horrible socks.  I emptied out a basket of clothes and held my breath.  I believe things such as these should be washed in HOT water, and well, I made a terrible mistake.  I forgot to hold my breath when the hot water hit the underwear.  Rancid was an understatement. The putrid steam could have taken out the best of us.

Double washing it will be.  Barf.

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